Five days! Five grueling days of my wife and I barely speaking to each other. I am trying to instigate communication, even chit-chat, but to nothing much. It’s really hard, very hard to manage how I act and respond around her. It’s completely my fault in every way.
I have also had five days of cleanliness of pornography. Its been really hard, that is usually my relive, my escape, and my release from my day-to-day problems. In those times where I am most frustrated, I try to read, and pray to just help keep my mind straight.
I am currently reading AGAIN…every man’s battle by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. It is a great book where the author’s outline their own battles with sexual purity. In the book, they speak about how it is just a minute from fantasizing to masturbation. That the downhill spiral happens before you know it. This is so true for me. I may be watching TV and see a beautiful girl or bare breasts in a movie and then next thing i know I am looking at porn or talking sexually with someone online.
In every effort I am trying to with God’s help, train my eyes and brain to be pure in all my thoughts, actions and the visible elements entering my brain. The brain is a powerful weapon and needs to be transformed by God .
I still don’t know where my wife and I are going. But I hope it’s together!
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2