33 Days. I am still on the couch, this is creating terrible sleeping patterns and body aches. But often I find each night on the couch, makes me love my wife more, makes me want to spend more time with her. It is creating a renewed love and passion for her and who she is, an amazing woman of God, with so much grace.
33 days of freedom from guilt, shame, and betrayal. My body and brain are according to professionals, is recalculating what it means to be excited and what it needs to produce adrenaline and serotonin in my brain. I am resetting my brains patterns, routines, and rituals. This is both a great thing and a very exhausting exercise.
I am often moody, exhausted, and more than anything on edge. But I see the change that I want to become and it will be worth it. With my wife’s help, I have been looking into a treatment center for sexual addiction…called yesterday and went through the assessment and waiting to hear from them.
I am still not 100% sure this is the answer, and I want to go because I want to go, not because of my wife. There are answers in my life that I need to find, resolve, understand and process. I am at a crossroads, this will mean informing my church, my leaders, and myself. It is a big, massive, huge, and whatever other adjectives, I can find.
I am still processing this step, rectifying it in my brain. Is this the help I need, the answer to my longing questions in my life and my behaviour?
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:1-2